Ruby Marie Baldwin

My Grandma, Ruby Marie Baldwin, passed away last night at 7:25 pm. She would have been 80 years old this year. Her birth occurred a few days after the stock market crashed in 1929. How do I know this? I do not know my history, but I was blessed to have the opportunity of sitting with her and recording a little of her life history.

In March of this year, Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. The beginning of April, she had her left breast removed along with her left lymph nodes. While she was in the hospital, I spent the evenings with her talking about her life. I knew she wouldn't be on this earth much longer. Chemo and radiation for a 79 year old woman is too much to go through. I just didn't know she would pass away so soon. She is the first out of my two sets of grandparents to go and I never thought it would be her. She was such a stubborn woman.

I believe all of us have a grandparent we are closer to than the rest. That was the case for me with Grandma Baldwin. I have so many memories of time spent with her.

Grandma Baldwin is also the grandparent I resemble the most. If you were ever wondering where my curvy hips and backside came from, think no more. They are from my Grandma Baldwin. My high cheekbones are also a tribute to her as we descend from a Native American tribe. Which one? We'll never know. My grandma asked about it once and was told those are things we do not discuss.

These past two weeks have been a trial. My grandma went into a coma while I was in Arkansas visiting my in-laws. I had to make a decision to stay or fly home early to be by my grandma's side. I chose to stay because I knew my grandma would want me to. I made the right decision. My children now have a stronger bond of love with their grandparents and even cried when we came home. They were making memories of their own with their grandma and grandpa.

On Sunday, we flew home. I went straight from the airport to the hospital to see my grandma. She was on life support and did not look at all like I remembered her. She had tubes everywhere, her hair was gone and she was swollen from all the fluids. But, she was still beautiful to me.

They had run tests earlier in the week and her brain waves showed little activity. This meant the rest of her life was going to be in a hospital bed. The choice was made and she was taken off of life support the night I came home. Amazingly, she started breathing on her own. Grandma was not going to go unless it was on her terms. See . . . stubborn.

I visited my grandma on Monday afternoon and brought her a stuffed puppy dog. When she was in the hospital for her cancer removal, I had taken her a stuffed puppy dog so she would have something to rub and take her worries out on. She and I are also the same with stress. We have to rub something. I didn't know where the first "Worry Dog" was, so I brought her another one. I later found out that the first "Worry Dog" never left her side until she went into the coma.

The last time I saw my grandma was late Tuesday night. I felt I needed to see her one last time. No one was there and it was quiet in her room. The "Worry Dog" still lay under her right hand. This time I brought a heart locket music box she had given me a few years ago. It was hers when she was younger. When you open it, there is a picture of Cary Grant, her heart throb at that age. When you wind the locket, it plays "Memory." An appropiate song.

I love music boxes, a love that was cultivated by my grandma. She gave me my first music box when I was little- a raccoon playing a saxophone to the tune of "If I Could Talk to the Animals." A little while later, she gave me my second music box, one that played "Raindrops on Roses." This is my favorite song. The locket was the final music box she gave me. I still have all three of them.

I held the locket to her ear so she could hear the song and I finally cried and cried. I spent an hour saying my good-byes and left knowing this would be the last time I ever saw her again.

There will be no funeral or viewing. My grandpa doesn't want one and he says my grandma never wanted one either. This is what saddens me. Funerals celebrate the person's life and give the living an opportunity to mourn and remember. None of us will get that now. I have one single thing that I can hold on to and make me happy- the "Worry Dog." The "Worry Dog" is being cremated with my grandma. A little piece of me will always remain with her. That is what I have and will hold on to for always. Thanks for fighting for me Mom.

Thank you to my friends for your support and love during this time. Good friends are hard to find and I am blessed to have a few in my life.

Thank you to my in-laws who were willing to fly me back the instant I gave the word. Your love, understanding and support was amazing and nourished my soul while I was away. Most of all, thank you for giving me the dog my grandma will now have with her forever.

My husband. I love him. He came home and sat with my grandma for me when I couldn't be there. He held me when I cried and is a pillar of strength to me. My life would not be complete without him.

All of these things are what I would have said at my grandma's funeral. Thank you for letting me share them with you.

Arkansas Recap Take One

Our trip to Arkansas involved the following:

Lea's graduation.



Lot's of rain the first week.



But we managed to get outside and play anyway.




The damage from the ice storm was still noticeable. You can tell by the piles of broken tree branches piled up on the side of the road.



Coral managed to hurt her left eye and it remained swollen and droopy for a few days.



We went swimming in the only indoor pool in Mountain Home, which is about 22 miles from my in-law's home. This is the closest town to their house and it is where my mother-in-law works and where they do their shopping.

We are Back

We are back and I am tired! My beautiful children thought they would keep up with Arkansas time and woke me up at 5:00 am! Yea. I did get a lot done, but very slowly. The travel and two week vacation had finally caught up with me. Along with the stress of seeing my Grandma in a coma. They took her off life support last night and she is breathing on her own. Now we are just waiting for her to pass away. It is not much fun to go through something like this. I just keep thinking that she could have lived longer if she had never had her breast cancer removed.

Well, I still have to figure out what I am buying for groceries tomorrow, but I wanted to post and let everyone know WE ARE ALIVE!

What the . . . ? Where did these come from?

I was doing some catch up on reading blogs when I came across some pictures of myself from 1998! On someone elses blog! My Institute Choir buddy from college, Laurel , decided to post pics of us before we had to worry about kids and life. Oh, the good old selfish days.

Yin and Yang

Our time here has been absolutely wonderful, but not without its trials. I am so grateful for such loving and understanding in-laws. I often learn from them, admire their advice and wisdom and truly wish we lived closer.

It has brought me such peace and joy to watch Grandma and Grandpa eat up every moment with Daniel and Coral. Grandpa and Grandma never come home from the store without some treat or toy for the kids. Grandma tried to take a much needed nap yesterday and instead spent her time watching Coral play in her room. Carlo and I would have been been cross with Coral for interrupting our sleep, but not Grandma. Grandpa let each of the kids take their turns driving the boat yesterday and they LOVED it. Grandpa even had to get Coral out of her car seat and bring her into the local convenience store to brag about his grandbaby. I just love to see and feel that they love my kids as much as I do.

Since we have been here, we have dealt with the following (as as always, I am so glad Grandma is a nurse):

1. Daniel puking. (as previously posted)
2. A minor eye injury for Coral. She fell down a little hill and we think rubbed some dirt in her eye. After repeated eye rinsings, she still cried and wouldn't quit rubbing it, so Nurse Grandma put on an eye patch. It was a few days before her eye was no longer swollen.
3. A doctor visit for Daniel. We found a big lump on his left upper thigh. The doctor says it could be a swollen lymph node or a hematoma. Nurse Grandma drew a circle around it and we have been watching. It is not going down as much as we'd like, so we'll be making an appointment with our pediatrician when we get home.
4. I dislocated (and possibly cracked) my toe. Once again, Nurse Grandma had to pop it back in. The bruising and pain are finally starting to fade.
5. Carlo's cousin and her family were in a bad car accident on Friday. Her husband ended up with 16 stitches on his head and she was hospitalized for a day with torn muscles. Right now, they are just recovering.
6. Also, my Grandma Baldwin went into a coma on Friday. By far, this was the hardest trial to deal with. I had to choose whether to stay or go home a week early. After much thought and prayer, I decided to stay. I have not regretted the decision one bit. The time my kids have had with their Grandma and Grandpa has been precious and much needed for all of us. Carlo went home on Sunday as planned and spent some time with my Grandma. He said he is glad I didn't come home and see her because she looks quite sad. She is on a ventilator and with her chemo, her head is completely bald. So, Carlo has been visiting her for me. I spoke with her on the phone (she can hear even though she is in a coma) and told her if she needed to go it was okay, not to wait for me. That was a very hard phone call. But, my parents our hopeful and feel she will still be there when I return on Sunday.

For now, it is time time to enjoy vacation and have fun. And I am. I even learned how to drive the boat yesterday and follow up lessons are planned. Fun!

You Know You're In Arkansas When . . .

1. You drive through the national headquarters of the KKK.

2. The Confederate Flag is flown proudly.

3. It's not uncommon for a shotgun to share your bed.

4. White Lighting (aka Moonshine) is recommended to calm the stomach.

5. You can leave your house and cars unlocked without anything getting stolen.

6. Everyone you meet is nice beyond words and it's just how they are.

7. People who bounce checks and sex offenders are publicly humiliated in the local newspaper.

8. You see a sign that looks like Carl's Jr, but it is a Hardees (same thing, different name).

9. Eight year olds shoot their first turkey and it's announced in the newspaper.

10. Walmart is extremely clean and the go to store (like Target for me) for everyone. The Walmart headquarters is in Benton, Arkansas.

11. You wake up in the morning to the sounds of birds chirping, chickens on the lawn and squirrels on the deck.

12. Building are separated by trees or open areas of grass and not fences or gates. No one really defines their property with fences (unless you have livestock, and you don't ever go on other people's property without permission or you may see a shotgun.)

13. And best of all, the absolute love and spoiling from Grandma and Grandpa!

I hope I don't cause offense to anyone with this post. It just goes to show how different life can be even in two places within the U.S.

I really love it here too. Everyone has such an easy going attitude and their pace is so much slower. I find myself trying to rush everywhere and have to slow myself down. It is a really nice change of pace and scenery.

First Post from Arkansas

I think I am tired of puking. No one else has gotten sick with the flu, but unfortunately, Daniel has inherited my weak stomach and motion sickness.

We woke up Friday at 4:00 am and headed to the airport at 4:30 am. Daniel was already complaining of not feeling well. I was worried he was going to start blowing chunks before we even got to the airport. I was on flu watch with Coral just puking all night on Tuesday.

We made it all the way to the gate and Carlo went to grab us breakfast when they asked us to board. Oops, no breakfast and we had all taken dramamine on an empty stomachs when we were waiting in the line for security.

As soon as we sat down on the plane, Daniel vomits. It wasn't alot and I was able to clean it up with two wet wipes, but I could hear the people behind me moan. And I was preparing myself for a puking Daniel for the whole flight.

He made it without throwing up again, but someone else did. Guess who? Me! Yep. We had twenty minutes to go and the dramamine combined with no food finally got my motion sickness. Luckily I kept it contained to the little vomit bag they provide. Then the flight attendant gloved up and brought a red contamination bag for me to put it in. If I hadn't felt so sick, I would've been really embarrassed. And Carlo was sleeping during the whole thing. What a horrible flight. Carlo had to take care of the kids the whole time while I tried to keep from puking. I'm a little worried about the flight home.

Grandma and Grandpa immediately took us to get some soup and bread and I felt better. Daniel kept complaining on and off the three hour drive to their house and UNLOADED when we had an hour and a half left.

Daniel abruptly said he was going to puke and with nothing within reach, Carlo put his hands under Daniel's mouth and tried to contain the massive amounts of spewing. It went everywhere. As some of you may know, Arkansas' roads are tree lined and it can be difficult to find a place to pull over, so we were very blessed when we found a road to pull onto and it had a river! We stripped Daniel down, used our remaining travel wetwipes and then cleaned his clothes in the river. Then we used those same rinsed clothes to clean the puke off the seat, floor, seatbelt and every where else. Oh what fun. However, we were blessed to find a river, the car was a rental (hehe) and he waited until the drive with Grandma and Grandpa instead of the plane. After that, we made a quick stop at one place Grandma visits for work and hurried home.

The next day, we drove three hours to Fayetteville to see Aunt Lea graduate from college. We quickly discovered, if we put Daniel right in the middle in the second row, he could see the road and not get motion sickness. So, no puking during the ride. But he did puke when we got home that night. And he puked again Sunday morning. Wow. So, as you can see, I am through with puking.

Was it worth it? Yes it was. It is beautiful beyond words here. The view of the lake from their deck cannot be caputured in a picture and the peace is just what a city girl needed. And of course, the blessing to spend time with Grandma, Grandpa and Lea is the greatest of all. We only wish we lived close to both set of grandparents. But for now, it sure is a great vacation! I love my in-laws!

This Couldn't Be the Girl

Is this the cute girl that kept me up all last night while she puked her guts out? Indeed it is; although on a happier day- her birthday! I'd be happy too. This smile is what keeps me going.

 

Here I Sit . . .

on the couch listening for Coral to begin coughing. This is the sign she is about to puke. Yes, Coral has the flu for the first time in her life. Sad.

Unfortunately, she has the flu three days before we fly out on our long awaited trip to spend two weeks with Grandma and Grandpa. The next few days will be the tell all of if we go or not, but we are praying the flu will only last this night in our house!

It all started over at my mom and dad's house. I took the kids over there so my parent's could watch them while I played stake volleyball. Coral was coughing on and off and my mom was the first to notice.

About thirty minutes later, Coral went over to my mom on the couch, started coughing and up came everything. Brown puke went all over the couch and onto her white carpet. Yes, that is right, I said white carpet.

I rushed Coral to the bathtub and my mom rushed to clean the carpet. We both laughed it off thinking Coral had had a grape caught in her throat since she puked up one whole grape in the gooey mess. My dad came home right after the puking and walked into his bathroom with me cleaning vomit and poop off of Coral. Not only had she puked, but she pooped. (She just puked again while typing this post.) Poor Grandpa. His bathroom smelled.

If there is anyone Coral loves the most in the world, it is her grandpa. She was asking for him, so after the bath, he held her while I clean up her clothes. A few minutes later, she started coughing and puked all over Grandma and Grandpa's white carpet again. It had to be the flu. No volleyball tonight.

I ran her to the bathroom again and she kept puking in the tub. After I cleaned the tub and Coral, I just felt like the whole world came crashing down.

I am so thankful for Moms and Dads aka Grandmas and Grandpas. I called my mother-in-law and she told me to put my trust in Jesus. Everything would work out as it should. Then my mom came in a few minutes later and told me she and my dad would help me get everyone home. I sat in the backseat while my mom drove my car and my dad drove Daniel home in his convertible. At least Daniel was having an adventure while Coral puked in the car on the way home. Thank goodness for bowls.

It is almost three hours later and Coral is puking on a schedule- every twenty minutes. My dad gave her a blessing and I just hope and pray this passes soon and we can all get a good nights rest with no more puking.

Where was Carlo during all of this? Taking his Immunology final. What a treat for him to come home to . . . but I am thankful he did get home at 8:30 pm. He handles vomit much better than I do and is such a wonderful Dad. Every time Coral pukes, he holds her in his lap and tells her it's going to be okay while I sit there and cry because Coral is screaming and doesn't want to puke anymore. I couldn't survive with out Carlo.